Things were going along AMAZINGLY well. I'd had FIVE great sleeps in a row and no twitching at all. But during DAY 13, while reading that evening. I'd had some intense knee irritation.
As always is the case when there's a flare-up, I felt dejected and afraid that this dream I was living was about to come CRASHING down.
My mind launched a FULL SCALE attack. The door to a possible failure had only opened a crack, yet it was enough to incite a POWERFUL barrage of negativity. To simply call it an overreaction doesn't do it justice.
NOTHING was held back in this dizzying bombardment. The thoughts in my head seemed more like a white noise as I moved through the day. But as I slowed things down inside ... there they were, the same old messages I've carried deep inside of me for as long as I can remember. "Nothing EVER works out for you, and THIS isn't going to be any different." "Why are you EVEN trying, you know you're going to FAIL?" "You keep trying to get up, and I keep KNOCKING you down - just LIE there and relax!" "You CAN'T do it!" "Why do you EVEN bother?"
... and on and on it goes.
I tried to CALM myself down the best I could. But still, I was convinced that I was beat. I was certain that I was just KIDDING myself, and that I would indeed go back to square one again with my RLS. I could even see myself trying to BRING the twitching back to prove that NO healing had ever actually taken place.
But through this thick cloud of NEGATIVE intensity, I remembered how FAR I'd come already. I'd had FIVE fantastic sleeps in a ROW. I barely get that many in SIX MONTHS!
It was definitely time for a REALITY CHECK. There was still the occasional flare-up and a twitch here and there ... but nothing even REMOTELY the same as what it was before I started this Program.
That truth is, if a voice had BOOMED down from Heaven telling me that THIS IS AS GOOD AS YOUR LEGS ARE GOING TO GET ... I would have been eternally grateful! I would have said "Thanks!"
When I took a moment to look at the ACTUAL situation, it was CLEAR that I was substantially better. But that Inner Critic, with its powerful NEGATIVE FOCUS, and its NEED to get HIGH, had convinced me that the SMALLER unhealed area was the true REALITY, and that I was about to SLIDE all the way back into my PREVIOUS life of FULL BLOWN twitching.
The resistance to change is powerful and unceasing ... but it's not the truth.
Your Inner Critic spouts nothing but lies.
Please try to remember this when you are in its powerful grip, and all seems hopeless.
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